THANK YOU FOR NOT SLEEPING

by occupyshazz

Cast: Shazz, Occupier, Subway Guy, Large Homeless Man

[scene 1: New York City subway car, midnight]

Shazz: Tell me again why we’re not sleeping in the churches?

Occupier: Fuck the churches and their lists. You can go sleep in the churches if you want, I’m sleeping here on the subway.

Shazz: Have you ever slept on the subway before? You shouldn’t go it alone, especially your first time.

Occupier: How complicated can t be to sleep on a moving train? This isn’t a boxcar and we’re not hobos. It’s public transit and we’re occupiers. What could possibly go wrong?

Shazz: Razor blades.

Occupier: Razor what?!

Shazz: Razor blades. They use razor blades to cut the straps from your bag. Or cut open your pockets. While you sleep. People get robbed on the subway.

Occupier: I don’t have anything of value to steal.

Shazz: The thief doesn’t know that.

Occupier: Maybe I’ll hang a sign around my neck, already fucked over by the NYPD, nothing left.

Shazz: Or they can hit you.

Occupier: Why would they hit me?

Shazz: Some guy fresh out of Rykers, sees fresh young meat on the subway, thinks your clothes are fancy enough to hit you while you’re sleeping and run off with your shit.

Occupier: What shit?! I don’t have anything of value! You’re paranoid.

Shazz: I have a sharpie, for your sign. You want to go find some cardboard?

Occupier: I want a smoke. Let’s get off here.

[scene 2: Brooklyn street, 2am]

Shazz: Man, that building says it’s 23 degrees.

Occupier: They call this balls in your throat weather.

Shazz: I noticed.

Occupier: What?

Shazz: What?

Occupier: I’m hungry.

Shazz: I’m going to ask that store if they plan on throwing food away anytime soon.

[scene 3: subway sandwich shop, 1:15am]

Shazz: Hey man, do you have any bread you’re about to throw out? My friend and I are hungry.

Subway Guy: You can have that piece there.

Shazz: Thanks!

SG: You want any cheese on that?

Shazz: What? Sure! Awesome!

SG: Veggies? Whatever you want, just no meat.

Shazz: Aw hell yeah. Put everything on it then. Some pepperoncinis, hook up some of that chipottle sauce. Hey can you toast that?

SG: No.

Shazz: Oh…

[scene 4: New York City subway car, 2am]

Occupier: Dude, that was the best free sandwich I’ve ever had.

Shazz: I know, I’m getting pretty good at asking for stuff. See, we live in a world of plenty. All you have to do is ask. Of course, you have to be willing to share. I kind of regret you being around, I could have had a whole sandwich…

Occupier: That’s messed up.

Shazz: I’m just trying to survive. Actually, right now I’m just trying to sleep. Hey, don’t lay down like that, the cops will harass you.

Occupier: (looks around empty car) What cop? I’m just relaxing. I’m not going to sleep…

[cut to black screen with text: “2 hours later…”]

Shazz: (Wakes up looking startled. Quickly glances around subway car. Occupier across the car has been replaced by a large homeless man)

LHM: …

Shazz: Hey, uhm…Did you see where my friend went?

LHM: … What did you say?

Shazz: (Leaning in) My friend, white guy. He was sitting right, uhm, there.

LHM: I ain”t seen no one.

Shazz: …

LHM: …

Shazz: (Puts head back down and goes back to sleep)

[scene 5: 60 Wall Street, late afternoon]

Occupier: Dude!

Shazz: Dude! What the hell happened to you?! I thought you were robbed, or jumped, or eaten or something.

Occupier: I got arrested.

Shazz: (Laughs)

Occupier: Yeah, so this cop comes by and tells me I can’t be laying down on the subway.

Shazz: I told you they’d fuck with you.

Occupier: You didn’t tell me I’d get arrested.

Shazz: Damn.

Occupier: Yeah, I just got out about (looks at watch) half an hour ago.

Shazz: Damn.

Occupier: Yeah. You want to go protest Obama? I hear he’s fund raising up in Harlem.

Shazz: I would man, but I’m hitting the church. I need to get a good night’s sleep.

Occupier: Yeah…

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